It's 8:54am and I'm getting a little nervous. Nervous because I am trying to accomplish something new. Nervous because I'm not sure if I'll be good at it. Just simply nervous because in an age where everything has progressed to become instantaneous and digital, I am moving backwards into a love that is still very much analog and...not instant: film.
I have an elopement session in Annapolis today and I am excitedly nervous about being there - about sharing this moment with this soon-to-married couple. But most of all, I am nervous because I am capturing it on film.
I can almost see the joy on their faces as they take the same steps I took just a few months ago - the steps into marriage. It didn't seem like a big deal then - to get married to my now husband. It was a decision that was solidified before we booked our ceremony; before we'd purchased plane tickets; before we'd checked into the hotel. It was a done deal and I was (and still am) excited about our union. My one regret is simply this: we didn't take any pictures of that life-changing moment minus a few cell phone flicks. Overall, there aren't any true images of the high we felt as we said our I dos.
Maybe that's why I'm nervous - because I didn't hire a photographer for my ceremony. I wanted one, very much, truth be told. I wanted images to flip through in my old age to perhaps jolt my memory as to why I married this crazy man that is now beside me short of feeble, old and gray (lol). I wanted THAT, honest I did. But I didn't do it and in a way, I don't think I will ever forgive myself for not hiring a photographer - maybe not now, maybe not ever.
I think that's what I'm carrying with me today - the disappointment of missing out on having my own ceremony captured. I want today to be perfect for them because it was perfect for me - even without photos. I want them to remember today and that before there was anyone/anything else, there was the two of them. Just them and no one else.
Am I being ridiculous? Most certainly. Do I realize that I'm being ridiculous? How could I not? But this fire in my belly will ensure that these images are spectacular...because I didn't do it for my own union, I will do it for theirs ;)